Finding Joy

 A friend of mine recently said, "I've lost my joy." It wasn't that she was afraid it was gone forever, just that in the moment, while dealing with some stressful events, she was unable to enjoy life as she normally did. 

And this essay just took a sudden turn. I was this many years old when I thought of the relationship between "joy" and "enjoy." That prefix, en, turns the passive "joy" into something active and internal; something we do not something external that just happens to us. 

Meanwhile, back at the main subject, as I thought about what my friend's predicament, I found myself remembering a time when joy found me. It wasn't one of those big moments like the birth of one of our children or the moment I realized I was in love; I don't think we are conscious of the joy then because we are too overwhelmed with it. 

This particular time I was mowing a yard. The riding mower was making its normal isolating roar so I was completely alone with my thoughts. Then, rather suddenly, I noticed my physical surroundings; brilliant blue summer sky, not too hot, not too cold, the grass a lovely shade of green, a soft breeze. In that moment I became aware, really aware, that I was experiencing joy; visibly, consciously, EXPERIENCING it. I remember thinking something along the lines of  "Wow! This is some kind of perfect; this is about as good as it can possibly get." I'm sure it was the first time that I was aware of my emotional response to something. I was in a sense outside of myself watching myself have the experience.

I guess what is unique about it is how it has stuck with me. I can still conjure up that moment in time and relieve an instant of a summer day that was just about perfect. The best part? That summer day happened over sixty years ago, when I was fourteen or fifteen years old. It was, for me, a kind of awakening. From that day on I believe that, when I have chosen to, I have been able to better see the world I live in and better appreciate all that is good in it.

And that, finally, brings me back to the friend's comment that started this thought train. We can treasure those little moments that brought us joy, and we can store them up. That first "joy" memory is a kind of touchstone for me. When life is hard and loss is overwhelming, if I can remember to remember, I can go back to that perfect time and know and feel joy, whatever the current circumstance. With that remembering comes the certain knowledge that there IS joy, that I have experienced it before and that it will come again.